Bad Kitty!

We've been having problems with our windows & screens since we moved in. The first problem was that there were no screens in all but one of our windows! After weeks of calls to the management company they sent out some stooge who made mesh screens out of cheap materials from Home Depot. The metal frames he used immediately buckled in the hot southern sun, leaving an inch or so crevice for the local bug population to use to crawl into our house. Not good!

So instead of calling the office to have them send the same jerk to do the same shitty job again, Rich ordered some mesh screen material and velcro strips from the Harriet Carter catalog and made our own screens. He installed them this past weekend and did a fine job. However, we didn't realize that Zorro is strong and clever enough to push against the screen and open the velcro. He did just that last night, shortly before dark, making it damn near impossible to look for him! I was devastated. Zorro is an indoor cat, always has been, and I was terrified that I would never see him again. He is a sweet, loving companion to me when Rich is on the road, and Rich loves him too, despite his general dislike of cats. My only comfort was that we never declawed him or put rubber tips on his claws, so I knew he could defend himself in a fight or climb a tree if necessary. But claws are no defense against cars, or rabies for that matter.

After an hour or two of searching the yard and adjacent wooded area with a flashlight, then coming back in to cry and think terrible thoughts, guess who comes home? My neighbor Paul was outside with his dog Keisha, and called out to me when Zorro came around the corner toward the house! I approached him slowly, calling his name. I picked him up, brought him into the house and read him the riot act. Bad boy! But I can't stay mad at the furry little bastard. So after a short, loud lecture that he paid no attention to, I put him on my lap in the recliner and we watched the Red Sox lose. That was disappointing, of course, but I'll take my cat's safety over a Sox victory any month of the year.

So how does the little brat repay me? By spending the whole day going to one door or the other and meowing at me to let him out! I don't think so...

Boobs

As an expectant mother I've been reading and thinking a lot about breasts. Partly the physical changes that are happening to mine - what's with the areola freckles? are these sharp shooting pains really necessary? - but more importantly as a means of feeding my baby.

I've always assumed that I would breastfeed. For the vast majority of mothers and babies it is the ideal way. Mother's milk provides all manner of health benefits that no infant formula ever could. According to the mothers I've talked to it's one of the most rewarding, loving, nurturing acts a mother and baby can engage in. The American Academy of Pediatricians (AAP) recommends breastfeeding for the first 12 months of life, even after the introduction of solid foods at 4-6 months. Plus, formula is expensive! According to Baby 411 by Denise Fields and Ari Brown MD, one year's supply of the cheapest store-brand powder formula costs about $800, $500 for just the first six months! To me it just doesn't make sense to spend that kind of money on what is actually an inferior product.

Many mothers do make that choice, for various medical or lifestyle or logistical reasons, and I certainly don't judge them for it. How to feed one's baby is a personal family decision and nobody else's business. And my decision is to breastfeed exclusively and on demand for AT LEAST the first 12 months of my son's life.

I realize that breastfeeding is a learned art, and not all mothers and babies take to it naturally. So I'm doing all I can to research the topic in the hopes that education will help me to overcome or minimize any obstacles, and I'm feeling pretty optimistic. My doctor is supportive of my decision, and I have indicated in my birth plan not to give my baby any bottles or pacifiers, in order to establish a breastfeeding routine as early as possible. The hospital where I'll be delivering has lactation consultants, pump rentals, a low-cost breastfeeding support group and a 24-hour breastfeeding support hotline. And my mother, who breastfed my brother and me all those decades ago, will be staying with us for a few weeks after my son's birth. Her support and experience will be invaluable, I'm sure.

As a breastfeeding mother, I'm sure there will be times when I will need to nurse my son in public. For some reason this is controversial. Mainly because our culture views breasts as sexual objects, not as functioning mammary glands designed for feeding babies. Many states, including my adopted home state of Tennessee, have laws on the books stating that mothers have the right to breastfeed their babies at any location, public or private, where women and infants are otherwise allowed to be. Unfortunately, many business owners don't give a shit about the legal rights of breastfeeding mothers and their babies. If some prude or pervert complains, a manager or security guard will happily tell a woman to:

• a.) cover the baby's head with a blanket


• b.) go to the restroom


• c.) breastfeed in the "privacy" and "comfort" of the mother's car


• d.) go home

Here are my retorts, based on my own views and what I've read on the websites, blogs and newsgroups of experienced nursing mothers and self-described lactivists:

• Blankets are hot and uncomfortable for both mother and baby. Babies often cry and throw the blanket off themselves, which makes breastfeeding more difficult and draws more attention to the situation. More importantly, they're a suffocation risk! Repeatedly breathing in one's own carbon dioxide in an enclosed space? Not healthy and not safe. If a nursing cover is invented that is roomy, breathable and comfortable for both mother and baby, I'll be the first to buy it. Until then, um, no.

• Who the hell eats on the toilet? Not me! Restaurant bathrooms are often smelly and unclean. Food court bathrooms are worse. Now, if a hotel-style ladies room with comfortable seating is available, I'll take it. But most restrooms that are open to the public leave much to be desired in terms of hygiene and cleanliness. I'm hesitant to change a diaper in most of those places, let alone feed my child in one!

• Every news article and informational pamphlet I've ever read about women's self-defense has strongly suggested that women NEVER sit alone in their parked cars. Doing so leaves women vulnerable to violent crime by assailants who either forcibly remove their victims from their cars (either through unlocked car doors or by smashing car windows) or wait in the shadows until the victim exits her vehicle. Having a defenseless baby in one's arms is no protection against a dangerous predator. And given the child-restraint laws enacted in all 50 states, a mother sitting in her car with a breastfeeding infant in her arms cannot quickly and safely flee the scene if she fears for her life.

• Why should I have to leave your place of business in order to feed my baby? My money is as good as anyone else's. If another customer is positioned so that they can see a portion of one or more of my boobs - which has been happening to me since I was 12 and started wearing low-cut tops - and they find it offensive, they should either avert their eyes, walk away or ask to be seated at another table.

I have a right to breastfeed wherever I am, and my baby will have a right to be fed whenever he's hungry no matter where we are. The general public, however, does not have a right to never be offended! Heck, I'm a pretty open-minded person, and I get offended every day. I find it distasteful when people spit in public, or refuse to wear deodorant, or wear T-shirts emblazoned with vulgar or sexist slogans, or can't get out a sentence without dropping multiple F-bombs. (No I haven't given up cussing but there are times and places for it.) Do I go up to them and tell them what to do with their lives? No, I put on my big girl panties and either look away or walk away. People who think breastfeeding (in public or private) is somehow dirty or distasteful should grow up and do the same.

Also, breastfeeding rates are slowly climbing after 50+ years of bottle-feeding and formula as the norm. The last time the majority of American mothers breastfed their infants was in the 1950's. At that time mothers rarely worked outside the home, and families did not spend anywhere near as much time shopping and dining out as we do now. Would the retail and hospitality industries like to turn the clock back 50 years, to when the average family dined out at a restaurant once or twice a year rather than once or twice a week? What would happen to their bottom lines, and those of their publicly-traded parent companies?

I hope to God that I'm never confronted by any well-meaning idiots about this. I'm not interested in "causing trouble" or starting fights with strangers about this. Nevertheless I am not going to apologize for doing what's best for my son's health. Instead I will join my local chapter of La Leche League, attend breastfeeding support groups if necessary, continue educating myself and others about nursing mothers' rights, and feed my son wherever and whenever he asks to be fed. I will carry a copy of Tennessee's breastfeeding-in-public law with me in my diaper bag, in case I'm accosted by any uninformed restaurant managers, store personnel, or - even worse - law enforcement officials.

I will also be contacting my elected officials at the state and federal level, to ask them to enforce and strengthen current pro-breastfeeding statutes. They vary from state to state, and some states have no law on the books to protect breastfeeding mothers from being arrested for indecent exposure! The ones that do generally limit their protection to mothers whose infants are 12 years of age or younger, which leaves those who nurse their older toddlers vulnerable to harassment and arrest. Personally I'm not sure how long I'll be breastfeeding my son, but some mothers nurse up to 5 or 6 years of age, and they should have a right to do so in public or private. The AAP says that beyond the first year, breastfeeding should be continued "as long as mutually desired," therefore I see no reason why these laws are limited to mothers of infants.

Also, it's not clear from the legal information I've read online what the penalties are for individuals or businesses who disregard or try to interfere with breastfeeding mothers' rights. The civil and criminal penalties should be clearly established and enforced. Businesses might stop harassing nursing mothers if it will hit them in the pocketbook and embarass them in the press. This really isn't a political issue, as there are "lactivists" of liberal, conservative, moderate and libertarian persuasions. It's an issue of public health and civil liberties.

On a lighter note, I broke down and bought some "nursing clothing" from Motherwear.com that arrived today. Most women tell me that apparel designed specifically for nursing is expensive and unnecessary, but I made an exception for two reasons. First of all, I don't have any nursing bras yet - I've been advised not to buy them till shortly after the baby is born so I can judge how big my engorged breasts will be - but I decided I would like a couple of nursing tank tops to wear around the house, when I don't need hardcore support. And most nursing tanks are designed for women who are much thinner and less endowed than I am. However, Motherwear's sizes run up to 3X, far more democratic than retailers who think "extra-large" means "size 8." Also they have a section called "ValueLine" on their website that features lower-cost, more basic nursing tops and dresses. So I bought one nursing camisole with a built-in shelf bra and one basic tank top with cleverly concealed openings for the nips. I'm very excited about these purchases and will definitely be packing them for the hospital! Yay!