If Not Now, When?

Questions:

• How old does a child have to be before he or she is "old enough" to go out in public?
• How do you feel about babies and children who cry or throw tantrums in public?
• How do you feel about their parents?

Rich and Eddie and I went out to dinner Friday night. It was the first night out for us since Eddie was born 5 weeks ago. We had a lovely dinner at Applebee's and Eddie slept through most of it, then got fussy toward the end of the meal. (NOTE: Eddie is not a particularly fussy baby, he just cries when he's hungry or uncomfortable or just wants to be held.) I figured his diaper was messy (I was right) and took him to the restroom. This took about 20-30 minutes, due to his fondness for pooping again during the changing process and for peeing all over his clothes. When I brought him back to the table in his fresh diaper and clean new outfit, I discovered that Rich had paid the bill despite my insistence that dinner was my treat. It turns out Rich was very upset about Eddie having cried in public and just wanted to get out of there ASAP. But I didn't know that yet...

Then we went to Target because we were almost out of diaper rash cream and I wanted to get a few other things. We were already in a hostile mood because 1.) I had screwed up backing out of our parking spot at Applebee's, and when Rich called me on it I got upset and insisted that he take over the driving, and 2.) I noticed that Rich had not buckled Eddie into his car seat properly, which left his upper body vulnerable in the event of an accident. When we got out of the car Eddie started crying again, partly because Mommy and Daddy were arguing and also because it had gotten colder and it took me a few minutes to get his car seat attached to our wonderful new SnugRider stroller frame. Rich managed to calm him down, only for him to start up again once we got inside the store. So Rich took Eddie out of his car seat/stroller to comfort him, which would have been fine if it hadn't left me to push a shopping cart AND a stroller! And of course Rich wouldn't give Eddie back to me to put in our new Moby Wrap, which might have calmed Eddie down. So we argued about it for the next 10 minutes (I cut my shopping time way short!) and Rich didn't say a word to me the whole ride home. That's not like us. We rarely argue and never give each other the silent treatment! So this made for quite an unpleasant end to what should have been a fun, romantic evening.

When we got home I asked him why he was so mad. It turns out that he was very upset about Eddie having cried in public! He feels that it's inexcusably rude to subject other shoppers and diners to one's child's fussy behavior. I agree that it's annoying when you're trying to shop or enjoy a nice dinner and the kid at the next table starts crying. But Eddie wasn't crying loudly, mostly because we attended to him before he got too upset. He was harder to calm down at Target, probably because of the bright lights or his parents' arguing or both. And in both situations we obviously did our best to calm Eddie down and address what was bothering him. That, IMHO, makes us very different from parents who ignore their children's public crying episodes or temper tantrums or misbehavior.

Those brief episodes at Applebee's and Target convinced Rich that Eddie was too young to be out in public with us. Rich suggested we not take him to a restaurant or store again until he's old enough to tell us what's bothering him when he gets upset. I countered that he won't be able to do so effectively until he hits the Terrible Two's, when he'll be ripe for public temper tantrums. And tantrums will continue in one way or another throughout childhood and adolescence. We cannot keep our kid inside until he's 18, tempting though it may be. Sure, I'd love to make it so that other members of the general public never hear my child cry or yell. But it's going to happen from time to time. It's simply our choice to either handle it like responsible people or bury our heads in the sand. I'm opting for the former and so is Rich.

Anyway, what do you think? Is 5 weeks too young for a trip to Target and a casual dining meal at 5pm? If so, how old should he be before we take him out again? How old were your kids when you took them out in public for the first time, and how did they behave?