Song Parody, "The New Apartment"

To the tune of "The Old Apartment" by Barenaked Ladies:

Welcome to the new apartment
This is where we’re gonna live
L-shaped duplex, gravel driveway, situated on a slope
This is where we’re gonna live

Why don’t they fix the walk?
Why won’t the back door lock?
Why don’t we turn the heat up? We’re freezing our asses off!

This is where we’re gonna live!

Need a stopper for the sink drain
Where are the missing door chains?
Looks like they used to be there, but now they are gone, I want ‘em back

Check it out, the new apartment
Newly-installed wall-to-wall
In a tasteful complimentary shade of taupe. Or is it beige?
This is where we’re gonna live

Why is the freezer warm?
Why won’t the heat come on?
It’s not a good sign when the first pee you take clogs the john!
This is where we’re gonna live?

Welcome to the new apartment
Seventeen steps down the slope
Freshly painted, freshly spackled, but they did not sand or prime
This is where we’re gonna live

Linen closet’s missing two shelves
Manager left us by ourselves
Said he’d be back in a few, but it’s been more than an hour!

I know these are things that can be fixed
Tomorrow we'll email the landlord
Big backyard, in a quiet neighborhood
We’ll be happy here

This is where we’re gonna live!

Welcome to the new apartment
Hospital’s just down the road
We’re a mile from Lebanon Pike and Old Hickory Boulevard
Let’s get a snack

Let’s get a snack
(There’s a Sonic down the road)

Let’s get a snack
(Give the heat a chance to work)

Let’s get a snack
(Get a burger and some fries)

Let’s get a snack!