A Recent Conversation
SETTING: RICH's bedroom in suburban Danvers, Massachusetts. CHLOE and RICH are watching his 52-inch high-definition flat screen TV when PEGGY (RICH's MOM) knocks and enters.
PEGGY: Richard, I got this bracelet with my Avon order. Do you want it?
RICH (using Redneck voice): Mommer, what in the hell is that?
PEGGY: It's a pink bracelet from the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer prevention and research. Avon made a small donation with my order and they sent me this bracelet.
(RICH stares in utter confusion)
CHLOE: You know, honey, to show that you support those who are going through treatment, who've survived breast cancer, that you're hoping researchers find a cure...
(RICH continues to stare in confusion. PEGGY and CHLOE look at each other knowingly.)
CHLOE: Tell you what Peggy, I'll wear the bracelet -
PEGGY: Here you are Chloe, thank you. (Hands CHLOE the bracelet)
CHLOE (pointedly): - because I'm not an asshole who lacks empathy for those who have been affected by serious illnesses.
PEGGY: That's right! Did you hear that, asshole?
RICH (tries to look innocent): Mommer?
CHLOE: It's okay Peggy, I know how devastated Rich would be if I had to have my breasts removed.
(PEGGY explodes with laughter)
PEGGY: He'd be upset if my breasts were removed, and he doesn't even use them anymore!
(Both women laugh hysterically. RICH cringes with embarassment.)
---- CURTAIN ----
PEGGY: Richard, I got this bracelet with my Avon order. Do you want it?
RICH (using Redneck voice): Mommer, what in the hell is that?
PEGGY: It's a pink bracelet from the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer prevention and research. Avon made a small donation with my order and they sent me this bracelet.
(RICH stares in utter confusion)
CHLOE: You know, honey, to show that you support those who are going through treatment, who've survived breast cancer, that you're hoping researchers find a cure...
(RICH continues to stare in confusion. PEGGY and CHLOE look at each other knowingly.)
CHLOE: Tell you what Peggy, I'll wear the bracelet -
PEGGY: Here you are Chloe, thank you. (Hands CHLOE the bracelet)
CHLOE (pointedly): - because I'm not an asshole who lacks empathy for those who have been affected by serious illnesses.
PEGGY: That's right! Did you hear that, asshole?
RICH (tries to look innocent): Mommer?
CHLOE: It's okay Peggy, I know how devastated Rich would be if I had to have my breasts removed.
(PEGGY explodes with laughter)
PEGGY: He'd be upset if my breasts were removed, and he doesn't even use them anymore!
(Both women laugh hysterically. RICH cringes with embarassment.)
---- CURTAIN ----
Labels: Humor
posted by Chloe @ 8:25 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
That's when you know it's love; when you can make sex jokes to your would-be in-laws. In my case, it took til this year to break the ice. Owing to a lot of broken twenties for various family activities while they were out, I commented to my father-in-law, "Hey, got a bunch of singles. Time for a strip club run!" This got repeated for The Wife and mom-in-law's edification, and apparently is some sort of running joke now (the e-card they sent me for B-day 31 a couple of weeks back had a stripper motif).
At 10:33 AM,
Anonymous said…
Classic. You know that you have reached the most comfortable place possible when you can talk about her sons relation to your breasts with your soon to be mother-in-law. I must recommend this method to all of my female friends.
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